"Wallah!" on the Wall

There are many mornings that I wake up with my mind spinning—like a Bingo cage spitting out the number of things that I must remember to do in just a few short hours. Then…”Wallah!” Something supernatural happens in the surroundings of my heart and I am able to see and hear differently.

I frankly despise the moments in my life when I hear someone else yell out, “Bingo,” and I am tempted to sulk in despair and defeat. I am one who rejoices with others crying out in celebratory joy and would be the first to dance in their joy; so determinedly, I CHOOSE differently. I admit the tempting thought but choose to lay down the sulking of my heart and choose love because I know the love of the Maker of this game!

Thankfully, today is not one of those tempting moments of defeat for me, but I am recognizing the antidote that God has graciously been pouring into my heart for many months now. I’m sitting still before my God and allowing Him to look over my days’ game pieces. Sip by sip from my warm mug and bit by bit from the words of truth and love digested from the pages of scripture the Bingo cage in my mind disappears.

As I gaze to the West avoiding the blinding morning rays, I’m reminded of the truth that I too am well planted like the trees along my fence line. He has hemmed me in and watered me perfectly. My Master’s hands were not afraid to get dirty and actually bled profusely so that I could abide.

Higher and higher the sun rises from the East casting rays of warmth onto the still quiet leaves. Oh, how brilliantly God’s love radiates off of His sweet precious creation. As I bask in the brilliance of our Maker it is not too long before I see His light casting a shadow of His precious creation. It’s like the trees have multiplied instantaneously. The wind begin to stir causing a chorus of rustling leaves around me, beckoning my heart and eyes to see and my ears to hear, “Go….let God’s light shine and cast a shadow on another today.”

Who will you be divinely planted next to today? Will someone need to rest in the shadow of the Almighty? Will someone need comfort found in the coolness of your shadow? Will someone feel comfortable in your shadow and then need you to strategically duck so that they can experience the Comforter? Whichever plans God has for you today may you first capture the warmth of His love in your heart and then enjoy fully the loving shadows He casts of you throughout the day.

John 15:1-17, Psalm 23:6, Psalm 34:5, Psalm 139:5, Psalm 91:1, 1John 4:19, Isaiah 60:5

BAND-AIDS

Before I went away for the weekend I was reminded of my youngest son’s obsession with band-aids and how he enjoys using the entire box of band-aids to create his own masterpiece…a football pad of sorts to prevent his oweeees from hurting any more. In chuckling at my son’s childish ways, I also sense God nudging me to realize how often I too want to reach for that box of band-aids. The hurts in my life seem to revolve more around my bleeding heart and it is not pleasant to have the same wound injured over and over again. Yet, I sense the Lover of my soul has some kind of redemption in mind every time this world fails me and my heart is crushed.
With my heart hurt again and again—I have come to the end of myself and realized that I cannot be the Protector of my heart. Without realizing it, I’ve tried to allow others to be the Protector—maybe they displayed some sort of physical or spiritual badge of honor and appeared wiser than I with no avail. Praise God no one has ever been able to take care of this heart…not even my own tender hands.
So, as I throw away yet another empty band-aid box I quietly pray to my God and surrender this heart of mine. Whether I bleed profusely or work through unbearable pain I will keep walking…or keep riding as my oldest son showed me he can do.
You see just yesterday on a bike ride with my boys I watched as my little lover of band-aids pointed out the fact that his older brother was in desperate need of a band-aid with blood running down his leg. My oldest son was not bothered with it one bit and just simply said to his little brother, “It’s okay, God will take care of it.” (He likely gathered we had no band-aids with us neither on the ride nor at home…but I also trust that God has a hold of his young heart and God wanted to speak to me too).
I couldn’t agree more—all of our hearts are capable of both experiencing and inflicting pain on those around us and if we just entrust our little hearts to God….He will take care of it! I'm gonna rip off these band-aids and ENTRUST my heart to the One who made me...it won't be 'ouchless' but it will be a journey full of redemption and healing nonetheless.

I also know I won't be able to care 100% for the hearts around me--but I will give it my best effort with His love propelling me! Lord, please bless Johnson&Johnson's efforts but this heart needs SOMEONE bigger...more like GOD-AID! GOD-AID surely helps heal me!

Calling All Girlfriends...

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the parameters of four walls? Maybe the weather is bad, or your kids are ill and you have no other choice but to stay home; or maybe a situation has you feeling like you are confined and trapped with no way out.
I was reading this morning and came across these words, “When they could not find a way…” It made me think of what we do when we cannot find a way. Do we sulk and pout and isolate ourselves? Do we act with determination and fight at all costs to find a way? Do we rely on our own strength or pray and ask God to help us find a way?
I guess a lot of our decisions would probably be determined by what is particularly standing in the way. I mean if I am driving along and there is debris in the road I usually steer around it and sometimes we just need to wait for the proper time to act. Like wait for the train to pass, or the weather to change or healing to come over an illness and the way is made clear again.
What about when it is a person or persons that is standing in the way? What do we do? Do we just stop and give up? Depending on what it is—if God allows a person to halt our progression forward in a particular circumstance it can sometimes be a sign of a detour needed; but other times God desires for us to know and rely on Him; for He is bigger than any person standing in the way. Sometimes God just wants us to be WOWed by Him and His awesome power!
I went back to what I read and realized that what was standing in the way in this situation was a crowd of people. You can read for yourself in Luke 5:17-26. This scripture tells of people finding a way to Jesus. They were determined to get to Him—they did not stop because people stood in their way. What about you? Are you able to get near Jesus and what He has for you or are you easily distracted because of what others have said to you? Are you waiting for the crowd of people to make a way for you? Are you sitting back and watching everyone else get near and thrive next to Jesus? Have you given up on His plans for you?
There have been times in my life when a person and/or a situation with people has distracted me from coming near Him and His plan for me—this life can rob of us many things and discourage us; but there is one thing that Jesus saw in this story that cannot be taken away from us…Hallelujah!! Praise you LORD! In verse 20, it says that “Jesus saw their faith.” Their conviction, their belief, their trust, their assurance, and their confidence propelled them forward and they not only thought of a way, but acted on this way and came near to Jesus and God’s plan for them!
Are you this determined? Do you know that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for you? May we not allow any obstacle in our lives to stand in the way of experiencing what Jesus has for us. May we express our faith and think outside of the box and climb up on top of the problem with our faith living in the walls of our head, in the chambers of our hearts and in the grips of our hands. May God too find us faithful and say, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.” (verse 20)
I love that Jesus in this story called these men friends. Isn’t that what we all desire…isn’t there something so special in drawing near to a friend and hearing that they see something great in us!! May we see the faithful friend that we have in Jesus and live our lives each day more and more like Him. Let us each tell a friend today the great and wonderful things that we see in them today.

Love Realized

The next step…I’m sitting here feeling questions rise up in my head. It’s funny how when one chapter of our journey seems to come to a close as the seasons surely do come to an end and we wave “bye-bye.” (Girls…there is a plane flying overhead right this very minute!!!) It leaves us desiring the answer to “What’s next?”
I can easily at any one point in time make a list of things that may qualify for the next step but I often feel unsure of which item is THE one God desires for me to focus on. This happens in the simplest of ways each and every morning at times when I take my to -do list before my God. Is it just me or am I the only one who wrestles with what to do next?
Hmmm….then when I take a moment to be still I realize that I may be wrestling because I am stuck in my own agenda. Don’t we like to do things our own way??? Don’t we think about ourselves and our own situations way too much?? As I was praying this morning and even typing up my journal entry to my God this morning my kitty hopped up on the sofa (her new-found talent) and after exploring every crevice and dark hole around the cushions she nestled in next to me and has since fallen asleep.
Just as clear as I heard the airplane flying overhead a few minutes ago; I heard a click of a snapshot in my heart and a yearning to capture this moment. Just like the moments my boys first spoke “momma” and the moments they ventured out and took their first steps…it’s glorious moments like these that we choose to pause and capture deep within our hearts. I have a sense of realizing that God has moved everything in my surroundings to make it clear to me how much He loves me this particular moment!!!
HUSsssssssssssssHhhhhhh…it’s as if I hear my God nudging me to rest alongside Him nestled in His arms. Basking in His security and love and fully embracing that I am His daughter worthy of pure rest.
It’s as if He was right here speaking to me, ”You will know the next step when I speak it to you…and this next step is no step at all—just stay right here with me and rest.”
God surely gives us rest on every side of each step! (2 Chron 20:30)

Clumsy Steps Empowered by Comforting Arms

It is a delightful quiet morning. The only sound echoing in my living room is the tap of my fingers on the keyboard and the hum of my laptop. I’m sitting next to my adopted kitten nestled in a basket cuddling a borrowed teddy bear. After praying this morning I glanced over at her this morning sipping my coffee and tears inadvertently welled up in my eyes...
I recognize a bittersweet emotion rise up within me as I watched her clumsily sneak up on the not quite 2 foot tall canine member of our family comically named Zeus. These past weeks we have been so amused by our adopted kitten we named Princess Tiara because of the heart-shaped marking on her head. She was abandoned by her mother at about 3 weeks and missed out on so much rearing and modeling from her momma…especially the stealthy way of a cats’ playful pounce. She tries to lurk around the corner only to get scared of her own shadow and runs back into hiding. Then when she musters up enough gumption to venture out again she hears someone in the family cough and she stumbles over her own feet and rolls across the floor. She spends much of her time wearing herself out this way…striving to do what she was made to do.
Oh, how I feel that way…striving to do what I was made to do. It’s one thing not knowing what you were made to do and another to have an inkling and not follow it. I find it especially tough to follow this path of doing what you were made to do when you are stuck with feelings of being inadequate because your own childhood story may lack a bit of modeling or education or you fill in the blank.
Like my new little kitty, who is just so clumsy and fearful, I too find myself running to hide until I get the gumption to try again. The key I think is where we run to when life sends us stumbling over our own two feet. By something I cannot even explain…and a whole lot of God’s grace I realize it was He who reaches down every time with His loving arms and holds me! Our God loves us SO BIG! And He made us just the way we are…and everything about us He sees as perfect…perfect to do whatever we were made to do!
And just as my Princess Tiara runs to the basket to cuddle in the arms of a stuffed teddy bear to rest…I too have learned to run to my God’s arms to rest and just be. It is right here that I am learning that I am able to receive the courage and strength to take the next step.
My God rescues me and brings me to wide open places to run and play because He delights in me…AND fellow sojourner He delights in you too! I’m at a quiet state of just being this morning contemplating the next step God may have for me…I think Princess is ready to venture out again too…how about you?

My Pot Is At the Well

This has been a long time coming...nudges from my God who has provided both private reminders and quiet thoughts of broken pots!

I've swept clean the garage of broken clay pots caused by my clumsy little hands and I think it’s funny that God has recently given me a picture of a broken pot and at the same time made me aware of my secret strives for perfection. God has freed me from so much of it; but there is still a side of me that desires for others not to see any of my junk, it’s just not something I want to run and do. You know, who doesn’t want to look good…or have their house tidied up before guests and if my heart were like a pot; I would want mine to be perfect, pristine and without blemish. I have a visual of some beautiful dishes my grandmother kept in her hutch that never saw a crumb of food on them and they were just so pretty!!
Frankly, I think it would be nice to just sit and be pretty at times—but really to have a whole pristine heart is more like my desire. Knowing my pot has been broken in numerous pieces and even though God has always glued it back together…it’s not perfect and remnants of the brokenness are evident with all of the cracks in my pot.
I do believe part of this is a God given desire…I have to believe this!!! For, He made me in His image and although not by my own ability, but by the Spirit who lives in me…I have to believe He has made me to yearn for holiness…the kind of holiness that only comes from being with Him in heaven.
But honestly, if it were up to me alone, I would have designed and protected my pot a bit differently. As I imagine how pristine and beautiful that I desire my pot to be…I am reminded in the depths of my Spirit that it is the cracks in my pot that have given me character and even have made me useful in this world—but only because God has gotten a hold of my cracked pot! With a cracked pot we may be tempted to hide our pot or even worse discard it naming it worthless…unless God gets a hold of our pot and gives us the strength to embrace the cracks!
Even thought I may struggle with embracing my own brokenness God gives me strength and my heart will fail in this world…but He is my strength and my portion (Psalm 73:26)!
As much as I may want to push my pot off to the side and hide it, maybe even at times, disown it…my God gently reminds me of His desire to REMEMBER what has made my pot—more specifically, REMEMBER what has caused it to crack and break at times and REMEMBER how effortlessly He put my pot back together. I gently feel His warm embrace and His gentle loving hands clasping mine as I run my fingers down the seams of my cracked pot. I’m fully aware that what I am feeling is evidence of my brokenness, my sin, my weaknesses and the weaknesses of others around my pot that have caused it to break into tiny pieces!!
During much of my young adult life and even in recent months I found myself getting stuck in the awareness of my brokenness and crying out that I must be an object that no one wants. (Jer 22:28) And I am very aware of the enemy of this human race who lives solely with this purpose in mind…trying to get me to believe that I am a shattered mess of a pot that no one wants. My enemy and frankly, yours too, tried to convince me of this back when I was just a young girl…memories are still fresh of the night my enemy almost succeeded! The thoughts that ran in my head at a very young age were much like the Psalmist David wrote “I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery.” (Psalm 31:12)
How can I stand? How can I live knowing that I am all but broken pottery? I remember that night all alone with no one to save me…no one to stand with me and He heard my cry for mercy when I needed help that night overcome by the fear of encroaching shame, lies and threats… even when I did not know His name…my Jesus was there for me and He whispered my name and just with His bright presence my heart was eased and rest fell on my weary body.
Now, almost 30 years later, I see it…again on this very morning as the sun begins to rise and my eyes turn the corner along with my body as I continue my morning walk facing the rising sun. My eyes cannot bear to open because the light is so bright—just like that frightening night in my room, oh, so long ago. Even with my eyes just barely open with sun rays piercing through my eyelids…it is only the shape of the cross that He allows me to see. He draws my heart to REMEMBER that He came that night! He was and is my Rescuer and is always strong and I am weak.
Oh my heart still pounds remembering it and these words from Big Daddy Weave describe it so well:
When I saw a flash of light and I heard the sound
Of a voice like thunder shake the ground
It was the first time I remember ever feeling my heart beat
And the arms that gripped me felt like grace
And I realized in their embrace
To be held so tight
I’ve never felt so free!
Also known as…the day that You found me!

Oh yes, this is what GRACE is!!! His grace gripped me that night and continues to beckon my heart and enables my fingers to run along the seams of my broken pot! Be strong! Take heart! I have overcome and there is HOPE I remember Him saying this and so funny that He continually whispers similar words to me even though I am a grown woman and have children who are now becoming the age I first experienced brokenness.

Sometimes I get frustrated that I continually need to hear these words and words like them...I really do want to be past this for good and really in so many ways I do believe I am…

But wait, He has a specific purpose and place for me in this world and there is redemption found in Him and He beckons me to love…love…love! How can a broken pot love well? By dipping into the loving well!! Love…Love…Love!!! He has made me for love and calls me to love Him and love others! Because I was made in God’s image, this also means that if I love God, I must also love myself…even if my heart is like a broken pot.

Because it is only when I can embrace His love for me that I heal from my feelings of unworthiness…only to be brought to whole new feeling of unworthiness in His Presence so that HE alone can be glorified!!! Then and only then am I loving well!

And I just can’t help but picture this pot of mine; if it were perfectly put together without cracks it would be able to hold a candle or water inside. But without the cracks; the light would stay inside and without the cracks; the water would not seep out and sprinkle on other pots.

With my pot being full of cracks I am much more able to radiate His light and love. And then when I dip my pot into the loving well, I am forced to leave it there for a time, allowing Him to glue all of my pieces back together.

By His healing I can then hold water for just a short time, but I must make frequent trips back to His well to replenish my pot—or better yet just plant my pot right next to Him! He gently reminds me of my weaknesses and I’m convinced it all must be part of His plan to keep me close to love.

I think God must get a kick out of watching all of our broken pots full of His loving water…sprinkle out on other pots in need of His loving water.

Grace…pure sweet grace is what it is!!! The ability to embrace my broken pot and allow Him to shine and pour out on others around me…all the while I am weak…oh so very weak!!! My flesh and my heart will fail from time to time…but my God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26) May you be encouraged to embrace your own cracked pot and make frequent trips to the well of love or plant yourself right next to Him—for I know God loves your pot just the way it is!

REMINDERS

You gotta love reminders! Sometimes when I remind my boys to take out the trash or pick up their toys my oldest looks at me like he is not so pleased about my reminder…but when I remind him of how proud I am and how much I love him…I usually get a smile out of him.
Such was the same yesterday for me…and often God gets a smile out of me when He whispers sweet reminders to my soul. You see when I drove by those filters in my neighbors garbage can yesterday I felt God nudging me to notice and remember His love. I swear I heard God say, “I NEVER throw your dirty filters in the trash! I use it all!!! Whether your jar is full or empty due to your own insecurity, fear, resentment, bitterness, heartache, grief, shame, guilt…I have the power to heal you and I don’t need to get rid of what currently occupies or doesn’t occupy your heart to purify you and clean you up. You are already clean by my words spoken to you. Now remain in me .”
I could not resist responding with praise, a nod of agreement and a smile...for He has filled me with His love and with His joy!